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Life lessons from Lobsters ​

There’s an interesting, urban myth about lobsters. When you cook a pot of male lobsters, you have to keep a lid on the cooking pot because when they realize they’re in a pot of boiling water, they try to escape even-though, they know it is futile. On the contrary, when cooking female lobsters, you don’t need to put a lid on the pot, as they don’t show such willingness to escape as they know there’s no point in fighting a fight, which they have already lost. So, they just hold their claws and brace each other for the impending doom.

Although, this is factually incorrect, as lobster have a ganglionic nervous system and they do not feel pain like us. In fact, boiling or steaming them is the most humane and quickest way to kill. Never the less, this myth still sites a good question about life. Should we die fighting or surrender to the whims of time?

Well, What I feel is, knowing when to surrender or quit is equally important as knowing how to keep on fighting or not giving up. Off course, perseverance and never backing down from a challenge are desired qualities, if you want to be successful in life, relationship or even career. After all, One can’t just give up! There are a thousand reasons for continuing with something past the point where you should stop. But perhaps it might be impossible to “just stop”. However, more often then not we consider perseverance to strive for gold as the only norm for being successful because giving up is labeled, trivial or cowardly. In my opinion, many of the “buts” are mostly a figment of the imagination. In fact, they are just a case of mis-staken identity. You, and your goals are two separate things. Never giving up, is just a load of bullshit that we have brewed ourselves, out of the fear of social judgment and prejudice on our own abilities. We sugarcoat the rationale for not backing off with a pretext of psychological comfort often attributing it to the fear of the unknown, aka atychiphobia or the self-inflicted need of not causing a social uproar by upsetting others, that too, just because we falsely and inconspicuous, assign safety and entropy to perseverance and persistence. This obsession with never giving up is not perseverance, for the lack of a better word it is actually blind persistence. It is this blind persistence that eventually turns any quest into an exhausting and useless ordeal.

Yes!, it is logical to think that, if we were to endure a little longer or persistently work on something, then maybe with time we will fix all the problems and reach our goals. But isn’t it also logical to think, that things don’t always go the way we want them too? Even if we work tirelessly, trying to make things right by overlooking the fact, that our very attempts to fix things might be having a negative impact on them as well as on us. So, instead of being persistent in such futile fixes and enduring the pain and ordeal of living through troubled times among other things, is it not sometimes imperative to give up, just plain, old and simple, “STOP”.

One may argue, Yes!, it is true to let go of our goals and other trivial quests since, they can be readily replaced with other and better ones, but what about jobs, relationships, and friendships? After all, they are not easy to come by, one must work for them if they want to be happy in life. To that I only say this, Sure, working toward a worthwhile goal is elating and exciting but the moment you lose excitement about your achievements you should understand that probably it is not what you wanted, it is just what you do as it is not catering to your innate desires. As Cloris Kylie says and i quote, “You’ve become used to striving and never arriving.”. Although knowing when to quit may seem a convoluted idea but think upon it, not giving up on a job, a relationship or friendships can more often than not, make you unhappy or even physically and emotionally ill. What good a job is, if you are just doing it for the money but have no other incentives or receive no recognition for it; what good a relationship is, if the partners are not committed to it or there is no room for love anymore; what good a friendship is, if you are the only one hooting for it.

If a quest takes over all other aspects of your life then you must learn to let go of it, life is meant to be enjoyed to the fullest; all thing that hinders this must be reconsidered by weighing their reason for continuation against that of life itself, because if you let your blind persistence overpower the aspects of your mental, emotional or physical wellbeing then any way you will lose all your physical strength as well as your coveted social assets like friends, family, and love.

OK, enough babel about why one should learn to give up, but how to determine, if it’s time to give up? The simplest and sure shot solution, that I can think of is, asking this question to yourself, What would be my life if I just stopped trying to solve it? And if, your inner aura answers, freedom and exhilaration then probably its time you gave up on it. Agreed that many things are iterative and demand continuous improvements and growth but at the same time, some things remand step changes and the decision to “give up” is one of those. So, it is important that you simply rip off the plaster on them. Painful, yes, but if you don’t, they will end up taking a huge chunk from your life, because just face it, continued work on a Gordian knot, expecting a solution with each iteration will ultimately lead to frustration and unbeknown you will begin to sabotage your own efforts.

It is always advisable to contemplate and reassess the outcome or needs of your goal and, if they seem realistic then you should see to their resolution. If not, it’s best that you reassess your commitment and avarice towards the goal in question. Don’t fall for the “what if ?” rouse. What if, I gave up now and then someone else did the same idea and got rich? What if, I just keep going another month? I recommend, to let your gut feeling guide you. You are most attuned to your intuition, learn to trust them and let them guide you to the places, you’re meant to go, the career you’re meant to have, and the people you’re meant to meet.

Speaking from personal experience, I spent half a decade working for a company, rejecting a job, I actually wanted to do because I had fallen into an agenda about the city I was in. Even-thought it was not stressful, but it sure was hard, my success was measured by random bets and the money was just decent. I was spending time on things that might work, not on things that were working. It was a good candidate to “give up”. The only advice I needed was to hear, “What the hell are you doing?, Just give up”. Not that it wasn’t offered, but perhaps, I didn’t listen, or maybe, I needed someone to give it to me straight. Although I didn’t waste my time there, but the prospect of being locked into something that was not working out, and was actually dragging me down was much worst. In the end, I quit, man was it hard. At first, it was horrible, there were a fair few failure-phobes, few who respected taking it easy more than trying and failing and even those who preferred the dull path. But I feed the inner best, my biggest asset – myself, by giving it up.

Sure, making the decision to give up is not be easy, may even cause you temporary pain, emotional trauma or remorse, but once you overcome these negative emotions, you’ll be able to welcome loving and uplifting thoughts into your life, opening a door to fulfilling and joyful life experiences, setting you on a path of learning, growth, and expansion!

So all in all, here are the 7 erogenous zones to touch when accessing whether to give it or not, not those of women, according to “Monica Gelllller :

  1. Just Listen to yourself
  2. Re-tally your numbers
  3. Get outside evaluation
  4. Be ready to rip off the plaster
  5. Take Atychiphobia head on
  6. Vanquish the “what if” worm, and
  7. Remember the cost of opportunity

7 erogenous zones ​in a women

Further Reading :

Chandler in you

Chandler in you

 

We all have a Chandler M. Bing inside of us, after all, who among us has not been made fun of at one point or other in life. It may have been due to our name or social awkwardness or for just being ourselves, and probably this is why Chandler is one of the most relatable and beloved fictional characters to have ever stared on the small screen.

Muriel. Why would he call you Muriel, Oh my God, Chandler M. Bing
Chandler M. Bing
He is Funny,Sarcastic, Socially awkward with a briefcase full of unresolved issues ranging from family, to love, to career and avoids confrontations and drama.

Chandler Scares Joey
Funny

Wait a minute, Hold the phone,You're not Elezibeth's dad
Sarcastic

They're telling us, about how they adopted you, What?
Socially Awkward

It's always better to lie than to have the complicated disscussion
Doesn’t Confront

Did that guy just call you Toby? Yeah, he thinks that's my name.Why don't you correct him? Oh, it's been way too long now.
Avoids Drama
Is self-sabotaging and constantly critical of himself. Has commitment phobia and gets irrationally insecure. For him his platonic connections are everything.
And just like Chandler, who uses his satirical persona to shield himself from having to deal with his unresolved issues; We all have once or twice used the same to avoid confrontation with a lot of family, love,career, and self-esteem related issue. Although we may not be as satirical as Chandler, or not be able to make jokes like him but we sure do try to be when we are uncomfortable. So, that instead of us having to avoid people; People themselves keep a distance from us due to our dark, snarky and unapologetic humor.

I m not good at the advice, Can I intrest you in a sarcastic comment?
Satirical
Like him we all are our own worst enemies, constantly self-sabotaging, constantly being too critical of our own choices and always having an almost obsessive-compulsive desire to be as insufferable as possible especially in front loved ones. Often overlooking the fact that by just being a little more honest with people, we can totally avoid the dreaded dramas and confrontations. For example, instead of just telling his co-worker that his name was not Toby, chandler blocks his promotion and trashes his own office.

Don't tell me, Because of the big nostril thing?, They were huge
Critical of his Choices

Hey hey Hey, Look what you're doing to chandler
Is Insufferable
Although, most of the Friends group had trouble connecting with their families and they depended on each other as their surrogate families, but for Chandler, this dysfunctional group of 30 somethings was his real family. You may argue that he considered the group his real family only because of his unrevoked resentment towards his father and over-sharing mother, and to some extent you are right.

Somehow, over time,it got easier to be apart from you.
Troublesome Family

Well, I relied on a carefully regimented program,of denial,and wetting the bed.
Denial and Bed-Wetting
But,inadvertently or not, every one of us, after a certain age have trouble connecting to our biological family either due to our own intolerance of their nuances or their intolerance of our quirks and we all rely on our friends not because they tolerate our quirks and nuances but because with them we can let go of our guard and be who we actually are without being judged or patronized for it.
But yeah, family or friends teasing cannot be ruled out though.

A quality.,Good. I was worried,you were gonna be vague about this.
May be…Ga?y?
Chandler is introduced as someone who has his life together and has financial stability. But later we find out that, this is not what he actually wanted to do. Of course, It is only natural to strive for financial stability, who doesn’t want money? After all, it is what the world considers as the yardstick to measure if we have our lives together or not. But in reality, by clinging on to a job just because it pays the bill, we are essentially just shedding a blanket of stability on underlying insecurities and aspirations by blocking our true emotions.

What if I had had the guts to quit my job? I'd probably be writing for the New Yorker, getting paid to be funny.
Writing for the New Yorker
We may all have a chandler bing inside of us, but believe me, you, when I say, rarely anyone of us has the guts to do what he did and when he did. In fact, It is Chandler who taught us one of the greatest lessons on the show as well as in life, by actually having the guts to quit his well-paying and secure job to do something that was creatively satisfying to him and that too after getting married.
Last but not least, Love. We see chandler with his fair share of relationships over the course of series.
Chandler's GirlfriendsChandler’s Girlfriends
At first, he seems deeply messed up when it comes to love as evident from his numerous break-up and patch-ups with Janice. In fact, he himself admits to it.But then too he keeps on self-sabotaging and falling into doomed relationships. In fact, the only stable relationship he had before Monica was with joey.

Bitter Town,Alone-ville, Hermit Junction!
Deeply Flawed in Love

Clearly, you're having sex with him.
Self-Sabotaging
Like him, we too are a stickler for unrequited love, in spite of knowing that these one-sided love will never be returned, we still continue clinging onto them. Even if, somehow we garner the courage to express this love and it is actually reciprocated,often end up sabotaging it because of our irrational insecurities, never actually giving it credit to flourish into unconditional love. Like what he did to Kathy.
You see, when Chandler and Monica get together, their relationship works because it is essentially a friendship before love. But we always, foolishly, tend to seek love before friendship. If you are friends before committing to love, you learn to accept the quirks of each other because in friendships we don’t hide who we are and this nakedness empowers the relationship, as you and your partner both see the good in each other, that other people might miss.
For example, Monica knows chandler well enough that she often stops him from reverting to his usual self-sabotage. It is her patience that sets him back on track, bringing out the best and bravest version of him where he learns to open up, commit and let go of the pains from past.

Hi, I m Chandler, I make jokes when I'm Unconfortable
Makes Joke when Unconfortable

OH MY GOD
OH MY GOD
So, my point is don’t worry if you mess it up with Janice as to every Janice there is a Monica waiting for you.

So, to conclude, he is the only character from the series who grew the most in life as well as in emotional maturity. Eventhough, he was predicted to be the last one to settle down but, in the end, he was the first one to settle down into a stable and lasting relationship.Hence, giving us hope that we can overcome our deep personal wounds and stop them from getting in our own way.

Links and References:

 

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Rationally Irational

A while ago someone,

whom i have grown to adore and respect not only for the fitful exuberance but also for the indefatigable deftness in distilling soulful and picturesque emotion by the infallible sagacity in choice of words that eloquently succour the baroque and beguiling poems

Dedicated a poem to me capturing the reflection of my thoughts.

But the thing with thoughts is, they are very tricky and often misleading. Eventhough human thoughts are classified as either rational or irrational but we have this unquenchable urge to always be rational. So, we keep on sugarcoating or disguising even most insane and ludicrous thoughts as rational. Thought rational thoughts, as the definition itself points out, should have scientific or logical coherence but no matter how logically coherent or cohesive you are about realities of life (especially death) such thoughts are always deemed irrational. While no matter how incoherent or illogical hope may be, all thoughts of hope and blissful anticipation are declared rational.

It is this exact attitude of mislabeling and castrating rationality that has led to tossing off and repression of true rational thoughts. Interestingly the well where such thoughts are tossed off has been given a very sophisticated name “The Willpower” so, as to foster a pseudo sense of emotional strength and superiority in repression of such thoughts. We always like to view things under a vanilla light and any complicated or morally challenging topics are dogged off than actually blabbing or admitting to them out in open. Any talk of death or other harsh realities is considered vindictive, chaotic and irrational, overlooking the fact, that somewhere deep within the dungeon of our conscious mind they have an order and a rationale.

So here is my answer to that very poem in the form of an answer (उत्तर ) to a question (प्रश्न), instead of labeling them as rational (तर्क) or irrational (तर्कहीन). It’s up to you, the readers, to decide which title describes which poem, as am just projecting both the rational (तर्क) and irrational (तर्कहीन) out into the open.

Poems

Why do we want to be Immortal?

Why do we want to be Immortal?

We as a species have always coveted eternal youth and eternal life, colloquially called immortality, and unlocking the key to this immortality will certainly be heralded as the ultimate triumph of man over nature. Perhaps that is why since time immemorial we the mortal beings of this ephemeral cosmos have been in pursuit of this elusive dream. A dream which on one hand is perceived as a quest for the continued existence of an immaterial soul beyond the physical body, while on the other, is one of the main catalysts that lured humanity to the fountain of knowledge that we now call science.

We may have come a long way from voodoo doctors, to alchemists, to modern string theorists, but the allure of this ultimate triumph is still as prominent and magnetic as it was, hundreds of, thousands of, years ago. The commitment and passion towards achieving this goal have transcended mythos and civilizations, a fact evident from thousands of necropolises scattered all over the world. From Great Pyramids of Giza, to Majestic Monoliths of Stonehenge. From ancient Greek myths, to urban lore, each professing of the pros and cons of this dream.

Niamh & Oisin and the Relm of Tir na n'Og
Niamh & Oisin and the Relm of Tir na n’Og

Eventhough, in the past, this quest had a philosophical undertone and more often than not was fueled by religious convictions that equated Immortality to eternal life, but mankind’s increasing prowess in science and medicine, accompanied by a better understanding of the physical and biological aspects of life has empowered us to manipulate the mechanisms of aging which in turn is dramatically altering the odds of realising this Sisyphean task. As now we know, that aging is neither mystical nor inevitable, its just a consequence that we gain by improving health and prolonging life, nothing more than a trickery of physics which the evolution hadn’t already perfected.

But still realizing this task would certainly be a triumphant feat for man, as this trick will grant us the ability to transcend time and see the world change and technology progress. Allowing us to see humans build colonies on Mars and humanity leave the confines of our solar system to voyage the interstellar space at speed of light.

Although the current methods and techniques at our disposal are insufficient in such prolonging but still, at present we are enjoying the highest standards of living that the world has ever seen. For instance, in 18th-century average life expectancy was 35, fifty was riped old age, and 90 was like forever while by the turn of the 20th-century average human life expectancy was about 45 years of age. And look at it now, average life expectancy has more than doubled over the past decades. Even if we could prolong our lives to maximum age, we still are just prolonging the wait for the body to fail. Because after all achieving eternal health and ending biological aging, would in no way be the end of death.

So does this mean there is no true immortality? Well… Yesss and no!

You see, there is no true immortality when taken in the context of time but only a perception of it. A human is immortal to a fly as a giant redwood is to us humans, Or like how a star is immortal to its planets as a galaxy is to its star. But on the other hand, its also true that even if we achieved eternal health, it will not end death but it will certainly end aging. And what is immortality? if not, not aging?

In fact, I am sure that achieving immortality or eternal health will make us make responsible humans and hopefully we would start taking better care of planet knowing we would be around longer. Although the pressures of life may not decrease, then again we would have much more time figuring out these intricacies. We will surely be spending much more time on refining our inner niches, learning about things that we are good at, goals we want to achieve and deeds to we want to do.

Then again, If given a chance to choose how long we want to live, how long would we choose? 100, 120 or perhaps forever. After all who wouldn’t want to live forever, but how long will that forever be once you reach that age?

When you have all the time in the world, you become mellow and laid back, that rushness and ephemeral essence loses its meaning. You begin to delay things, put more thoughts into risks and methodically plan your decisions. Your life becomes monotonous and predictable. Even though the sands of time continue to slip away, your life becomes static. There are no ripples on the surface, instead only a commotion inside, conspiring to send impending tsunamis out on the surface as the monotonicity starts to overwhelm your inner athlete and the sense of adventure. You begin to yearn for the ticking of the clock and ephemeral beauty of nature.

Just like a sunbather by the beach relaxing after taking a dip in the depths of the torrential ocean of time. At first, he loves the cooling effects due to the conspiracy of the sun and wind that evaporate water off his drenched skin but as the sun reaches for the apogee he beings to realize the conspiracy and once again starts to yearn for the cold and torrent ocean waves.

The cold and Torrent ocean waves
The cold and Torrent ocean waves

This reminds me of the story of Eos and Tithonus. Tithonus was the lover of goddess Eos. The goddess was cursed to fall in love for mortal men by Aphrodite. She begged Zeus to grant Tithonus immortality so that they could spend eternity together but she forgot to ask for eternal youth. The wish was granted but, Tithonus kept aging unable to die, he began begging Eos for death. But she couldn’t do anything as once immortal, there’s no turning back. Instead, she turned him into a cricket; eternally living begging for death to overcome him.

 Tithonus, turning into a grasshopper
Tithonus eternally living begging for death to overcome

We humans always had a love-hate relationship with immortality and feared never-ending aging. But the irony is, we still want to live forever and in the now. Often neglecting or say overlooking the fact that we not only live in the now but we also die in the now, not in the future. We’re born young, we grow old, and then we die. This has been the natural order for eons. Getting old is good, right? Afterall we celebrate the idea of living long to experience old age, or why else would we call them the golden years.

But the reality is, everybody wants to become old, but nobody wants to be old. Most people want to die once they reach a certain age. After a certain age, they begin to see, death not as an enemy but a friend. For example, my granny who is 100, plans, who should be invited to her last rites and how much must be spent on the whole affair with such exuberance, as if she was a kid planning her birthday.

As the demons of time start running away from you, you begin to realize, eternal life or never-ending age is more of a curse than a boon. No matter what science offers us, the millions of years of evolutionary curiosity, adventure seeking and adrenaline rush of facing fear cannot be suppressed. Everything in this universe goes through or has to go through the cycle of life and death. Things born must age and die. It is, simply the equation that governs or has been governing the ethos of the cosmos since the beginning of the time. For the entirety of this mystic realm, death is a part of life. Without death, life loses its meaning. If one could question death, he would certainly reply, life is just a beautiful lie while I am the only truth. One can’t change the inevitable, they can only delay it, that too only to an extent. Eventually, the whip-snapper always comes to reap what he sowed.

Life asked Death
If one could question death, he would certainly reply, life is just a beautiful lie while I am the only truth

So, does this mean we should stop our quest for immortality or eternal-health and let nature have its way?

No, it in no way means that we shouldn’t look for immortality or eternal-health. The relationship between life and death is that of a hostage who grows to love the kidnapper. Of course, death is a part of life or has been so forever, but our brains need to be cleared of the millennia of death acceptance.

In the past, people who lived past the normal life expectancy were seen as something unnatural and often immoral, someone who defied the normal. They were outcasted, labeled as reapers of the soul or even witches. As a result, we were made to believe, death was something good and natural. But death is, nor was a solution.

Just because something is natural doesn’t make it good or necessary. It may be natural to live lives nasty, brutish, and short, but it’s also natural to look at what indifferent nature provides as the starting point.

The changes longer lives will bring will surely clear our brains of this death acceptance. And how soon we start this quest matters, as for the difference of, but a day might determine what side of the future chasm we are on. Journeying forever forward or falling backward into the abyss.

Links and References:

फ़लसफ़ा – (Just a Teaser, Full version coming soon)

इस वक़्त का क्या है,
ये तो यूँ ही चलता रहेगा,
लम्हे, पहरों में और पहर दिनों बदल जायेंगे,
ये उम्र भले ही ना थमे पर आफ़सने थम जायेंगे।

………………….

रूह

काश कुछ ऐसा हो जाए

ये वक्त चलता रहे,

ये लम्हे चलते रहें,

ये पहर चलता रहे,

बस मेरी उम्र थम जाए।

मैं समेट लूँ सारी यादें,

मैं सहेज लूँ सारे पलों को,

देख लूँ जी भर के

उन आँखों को,

इस दुनिया में जिनसे सबसे पहले रूबरू हुआ।

मैं थाम लूँ उस ऊंगली को

जो कभी मुझे थामे चली थी।

वो खिलखिलाती हँसी

जो कभी मेरे साथ खेली थी।

बस इतनी सी ही तो ख्वाहिश है,

बे-वक्त के इस मुसाफिर की।

छोटी सी राह का जिसका

बस तीसरा हिस्सा है बाकी।।

आकर क़रीब अपनों के और थोड़ा,

कुछ और अच्छा कर जाऊँ।

छोटे से इस सफर के

सुकून भरे पलों को

यादों में पिरो जाऊँ।

या फिर

रहकर दूर उनसे,

ग़म के बवन्डर से बचाने को उनको,

बेरूखी वाला मुखौटा ओढ़ जाऊँ।।

रहगुज़र हूँ तेरा,

कि तूने जो भी दिया

झोली भर के दिया।

रहगुज़र हूँ तेरा,

कि दिये हुए हौसले से तेरे

अपने दम पर कुछ किया।

रहगुज़र हूँ तेरा,

कि कई ख्वाबों को अपने

मैंने हकी़कत में जिया।

रहगुज़र हूँ तेरा,

कि जरा से वक्त में ही

तेरे होने को समझ लिया।

ईबादतग़ार हूँ तेरा

शिकायतग़ार नहीं,

कि अलग बनाकर भी तूने

खास बना दिया।। — रूह

This poem is the best gift i have ever received from someone. someone whom i have grown to adore and respect not only for the fitful exuberance but also for the Indefatigable deftness in distilling soulful and picturesque emotion by the infallible sagacity in choice of words that eloquently succour the baroque and beguiling poems.

Thanks M ,

By the way this only of the poems from M rest assured 100’s more to come…..

​ Let’s Make an Example of Him, but Why ?

​ Let’s Make an Example of Him, but Why ?
Guys a quick question: Does anyone know the endangered status of blackbucks? Or the Indian White Rhino 🦏 or the Bengal Tiger 🐅 or the Indian Vulture?
Blackbucks’s have been the main focus of media because Salman Khan killed one ☝, but what about hundreds of other people involved in poaching of more endangered species than blackbucks.
Why don’t we hear about them?
Why we often pay more fodder for news involving celebs then that involving others.
Example:
    1. Sanjay Dutt’s Case: But what about hundreds of other politicians who carry guns bought from terror mongers. In fact, there were 19000 such cases in Gujarat alone. Why weren’t they made an example off?  Have you ever heard about Arup Bhuyan vs State of Assam case?
    2. Smoking in public places? [Which by the way is prohibited nationwide via a law passed on 2nd October 2008] Have we heard any cases other than ones involving celebrities? We see public smokers every day, but we don’t file a complaint against them, then why slammed case on Shahrukh, Ranbir or Salman?

     

    The only reason for this biased, I can think off is, that trashing celebs for their every action because they are famous and rich is cliche. And moreover, it provides a sense of superiority against them. chalo, hum isse se to aache hai [At least we are better than them in this aspect].
    Making an example out of someone is true but why can’t that person be a common man?
    To answer the first question, The endangered status of :
    1. The Blackbuck is the least concerned, same as that of a common crow.
    2. The White Indian rhino is venerable.
    3. The Bengal tiger is endangered and
    4. The Indian vultures are critically endangered.