There’s an interesting, urban myth about lobsters. When you cook a pot of male lobsters, you have to keep a lid on the cooking pot because when they realize they’re in a pot of boiling water, they try to escape even-though, they know it is futile. On the contrary, when cooking female lobsters, you don’t need to put a lid on the pot, as they don’t show such willingness to escape as they know there’s no point in fighting a fight, which they have already lost. So, they just hold their claws and brace each other for the impending doom.
Although, this is factually incorrect, as lobster have a ganglionic nervous system and they do not feel pain like us. In fact, boiling or steaming them is the most humane and quickest way to kill. Never the less, this myth still sites a good question about life. Should we die fighting or surrender to the whims of time?
Well, What I feel is, knowing when to surrender or quit is equally important as knowing how to keep on fighting or not giving up. Off course, perseverance and never backing down from a challenge are desired qualities, if you want to be successful in life, relationship or even career. After all, One can’t just give up! There are a thousand reasons for continuing with something past the point where you should stop. But perhaps it might be impossible to “just stop”. However, more often then not we consider perseverance to strive for gold as the only norm for being successful because giving up is labeled, trivial or cowardly. In my opinion, many of the “buts” are mostly a figment of the imagination. In fact, they are just a case of mis-staken identity. You, and your goals are two separate things. Never giving up, is just a load of bullshit that we have brewed ourselves, out of the fear of social judgment and prejudice on our own abilities. We sugarcoat the rationale for not backing off with a pretext of psychological comfort often attributing it to the fear of the unknown, aka atychiphobia or the self-inflicted need of not causing a social uproar by upsetting others, that too, just because we falsely and inconspicuous, assign safety and entropy to perseverance and persistence. This obsession with never giving up is not perseverance, for the lack of a better word it is actually blind persistence. It is this blind persistence that eventually turns any quest into an exhausting and useless ordeal.
Yes!, it is logical to think that, if we were to endure a little longer or persistently work on something, then maybe with time we will fix all the problems and reach our goals. But isn’t it also logical to think, that things don’t always go the way we want them too? Even if we work tirelessly, trying to make things right by overlooking the fact, that our very attempts to fix things might be having a negative impact on them as well as on us. So, instead of being persistent in such futile fixes and enduring the pain and ordeal of living through troubled times among other things, is it not sometimes imperative to give up, just plain, old and simple, “STOP”.
One may argue, Yes!, it is true to let go of our goals and other trivial quests since, they can be readily replaced with other and better ones, but what about jobs, relationships, and friendships? After all, they are not easy to come by, one must work for them if they want to be happy in life. To that I only say this, Sure, working toward a worthwhile goal is elating and exciting but the moment you lose excitement about your achievements you should understand that probably it is not what you wanted, it is just what you do as it is not catering to your innate desires. As Cloris Kylie says and i quote, “You’ve become used to striving and never arriving.”. Although knowing when to quit may seem a convoluted idea but think upon it, not giving up on a job, a relationship or friendships can more often than not, make you unhappy or even physically and emotionally ill. What good a job is, if you are just doing it for the money but have no other incentives or receive no recognition for it; what good a relationship is, if the partners are not committed to it or there is no room for love anymore; what good a friendship is, if you are the only one hooting for it.
If a quest takes over all other aspects of your life then you must learn to let go of it, life is meant to be enjoyed to the fullest; all thing that hinders this must be reconsidered by weighing their reason for continuation against that of life itself, because if you let your blind persistence overpower the aspects of your mental, emotional or physical wellbeing then any way you will lose all your physical strength as well as your coveted social assets like friends, family, and love.
OK, enough babel about why one should learn to give up, but how to determine, if it’s time to give up? The simplest and sure shot solution, that I can think of is, asking this question to yourself, What would be my life if I just stopped trying to solve it? And if, your inner aura answers, freedom and exhilaration then probably its time you gave up on it. Agreed that many things are iterative and demand continuous improvements and growth but at the same time, some things remand step changes and the decision to “give up” is one of those. So, it is important that you simply rip off the plaster on them. Painful, yes, but if you don’t, they will end up taking a huge chunk from your life, because just face it, continued work on a Gordian knot, expecting a solution with each iteration will ultimately lead to frustration and unbeknown you will begin to sabotage your own efforts.
It is always advisable to contemplate and reassess the outcome or needs of your goal and, if they seem realistic then you should see to their resolution. If not, it’s best that you reassess your commitment and avarice towards the goal in question. Don’t fall for the “what if ?” rouse. What if, I gave up now and then someone else did the same idea and got rich? What if, I just keep going another month? I recommend, to let your gut feeling guide you. You are most attuned to your intuition, learn to trust them and let them guide you to the places, you’re meant to go, the career you’re meant to have, and the people you’re meant to meet.
Speaking from personal experience, I spent half a decade working for a company, rejecting a job, I actually wanted to do because I had fallen into an agenda about the city I was in. Even-thought it was not stressful, but it sure was hard, my success was measured by random bets and the money was just decent. I was spending time on things that might work, not on things that were working. It was a good candidate to “give up”. The only advice I needed was to hear, “What the hell are you doing?, Just give up”. Not that it wasn’t offered, but perhaps, I didn’t listen, or maybe, I needed someone to give it to me straight. Although I didn’t waste my time there, but the prospect of being locked into something that was not working out, and was actually dragging me down was much worst. In the end, I quit, man was it hard. At first, it was horrible, there were a fair few failure-phobes, few who respected taking it easy more than trying and failing and even those who preferred the dull path. But I feed the inner best, my biggest asset – myself, by giving it up.
Sure, making the decision to give up is not be easy, may even cause you temporary pain, emotional trauma or remorse, but once you overcome these negative emotions, you’ll be able to welcome loving and uplifting thoughts into your life, opening a door to fulfilling and joyful life experiences, setting you on a path of learning, growth, and expansion!
So all in all, here are the 7 erogenous zones to touch when accessing whether to give it or not, not those of women, according to “Monica Gelllller :
Further Reading :
|We all have a Chandler M. Bing inside of us, after all, who among us has not been made fun of at one point or other in life. It may have been due to our name or social awkwardness or for just being ourselves, and probably this is why Chandler is one of the most relatable and beloved fictional characters to have ever stared on the small screen.|
|He is Funny,Sarcastic, Socially awkward with a briefcase full of unresolved issues ranging from family, to love, to career and avoids confrontations and drama.|
|Is self-sabotaging and constantly critical of himself. Has commitment phobia and gets irrationally insecure. For him his platonic connections are everything.|
|And just like Chandler, who uses his satirical persona to shield himself from having to deal with his unresolved issues; We all have once or twice used the same to avoid confrontation with a lot of family, love,career, and self-esteem related issue. Although we may not be as satirical as Chandler, or not be able to make jokes like him but we sure do try to be when we are uncomfortable. So, that instead of us having to avoid people; People themselves keep a distance from us due to our dark, snarky and unapologetic humor.|
|Like him we all are our own worst enemies, constantly self-sabotaging, constantly being too critical of our own choices and always having an almost obsessive-compulsive desire to be as insufferable as possible especially in front loved ones. Often overlooking the fact that by just being a little more honest with people, we can totally avoid the dreaded dramas and confrontations. For example, instead of just telling his co-worker that his name was not Toby, chandler blocks his promotion and trashes his own office.|
|Although, most of the Friends group had trouble connecting with their families and they depended on each other as their surrogate families, but for Chandler, this dysfunctional group of 30 somethings was his real family. You may argue that he considered the group his real family only because of his unrevoked resentment towards his father and over-sharing mother, and to some extent you are right.|
|But,inadvertently or not, every one of us, after a certain age have trouble connecting to our biological family either due to our own intolerance of their nuances or their intolerance of our quirks and we all rely on our friends not because they tolerate our quirks and nuances but because with them we can let go of our guard and be who we actually are without being judged or patronized for it.|
|But yeah, family or friends teasing cannot be ruled out though.|
|Chandler is introduced as someone who has his life together and has financial stability. But later we find out that, this is not what he actually wanted to do. Of course, It is only natural to strive for financial stability, who doesn’t want money? After all, it is what the world considers as the yardstick to measure if we have our lives together or not. But in reality, by clinging on to a job just because it pays the bill, we are essentially just shedding a blanket of stability on underlying insecurities and aspirations by blocking our true emotions.|
|We may all have a chandler bing inside of us, but believe me, you, when I say, rarely anyone of us has the guts to do what he did and when he did. In fact, It is Chandler who taught us one of the greatest lessons on the show as well as in life, by actually having the guts to quit his well-paying and secure job to do something that was creatively satisfying to him and that too after getting married.|
|Last but not least, Love. We see chandler with his fair share of relationships over the course of series.|
|At first, he seems deeply messed up when it comes to love as evident from his numerous break-up and patch-ups with Janice. In fact, he himself admits to it.But then too he keeps on self-sabotaging and falling into doomed relationships. In fact, the only stable relationship he had before Monica was with joey.|
|Like him, we too are a stickler for unrequited love, in spite of knowing that these one-sided love will never be returned, we still continue clinging onto them. Even if, somehow we garner the courage to express this love and it is actually reciprocated,often end up sabotaging it because of our irrational insecurities, never actually giving it credit to flourish into unconditional love. Like what he did to Kathy.|
|You see, when Chandler and Monica get together, their relationship works because it is essentially a friendship before love. But we always, foolishly, tend to seek love before friendship. If you are friends before committing to love, you learn to accept the quirks of each other because in friendships we don’t hide who we are and this nakedness empowers the relationship, as you and your partner both see the good in each other, that other people might miss.|
|For example, Monica knows chandler well enough that she often stops him from reverting to his usual self-sabotage. It is her patience that sets him back on track, bringing out the best and bravest version of him where he learns to open up, commit and let go of the pains from past.|
|So, my point is don’t worry if you mess it up with Janice as to every Janice there is a Monica waiting for you.
So, to conclude, he is the only character from the series who grew the most in life as well as in emotional maturity. Eventhough, he was predicted to be the last one to settle down but, in the end, he was the first one to settle down into a stable and lasting relationship.Hence, giving us hope that we can overcome our deep personal wounds and stop them from getting in our own way.
Links and References:
A while ago someone,
whom i have grown to adore and respect not only for the fitful exuberance but also for the indefatigable deftness in distilling soulful and picturesque emotion by the infallible sagacity in choice of words that eloquently succour the baroque and beguiling poems
Dedicated a poem to me capturing the reflection of my thoughts.
But the thing with thoughts is, they are very tricky and often misleading. Eventhough human thoughts are classified as either rational or irrational but we have this unquenchable urge to always be rational. So, we keep on sugarcoating or disguising even most insane and ludicrous thoughts as rational. Thought rational thoughts, as the definition itself points out, should have scientific or logical coherence but no matter how logically coherent or cohesive you are about realities of life (especially death) such thoughts are always deemed irrational. While no matter how incoherent or illogical hope may be, all thoughts of hope and blissful anticipation are declared rational.
It is this exact attitude of mislabeling and castrating rationality that has led to tossing off and repression of true rational thoughts. Interestingly the well where such thoughts are tossed off has been given a very sophisticated name “The Willpower” so, as to foster a pseudo sense of emotional strength and superiority in repression of such thoughts. We always like to view things under a vanilla light and any complicated or morally challenging topics are dogged off than actually blabbing or admitting to them out in open. Any talk of death or other harsh realities is considered vindictive, chaotic and irrational, overlooking the fact, that somewhere deep within the dungeon of our conscious mind they have an order and a rationale.
So here is my answer to that very poem in the form of an answer (उत्तर ) to a question (प्रश्न), instead of labeling them as rational (तर्क) or irrational (तर्कहीन). It’s up to you, the readers, to decide which title describes which poem, as am just projecting both the rational (तर्क) and irrational (तर्कहीन) out into the open.
काश कुछ ऐसा हो जाए
ये वक्त चलता रहे,
ये लम्हे चलते रहें,
ये पहर चलता रहे,
बस मेरी उम्र थम जाए।
मैं समेट लूँ सारी यादें,
मैं सहेज लूँ सारे पलों को,
देख लूँ जी भर के
उन आँखों को,
इस दुनिया में जिनसे सबसे पहले रूबरू हुआ।
मैं थाम लूँ उस ऊंगली को
जो कभी मुझे थामे चली थी।
वो खिलखिलाती हँसी
जो कभी मेरे साथ खेली थी।
बस इतनी सी ही तो ख्वाहिश है,
बे-वक्त के इस मुसाफिर की।
छोटी सी राह का जिसका
बस तीसरा हिस्सा है बाकी।।
आकर क़रीब अपनों के और थोड़ा,
कुछ और अच्छा कर जाऊँ।
छोटे से इस सफर के
सुकून भरे पलों को
यादों में पिरो जाऊँ।
रहकर दूर उनसे,
ग़म के बवन्डर से बचाने को उनको,
बेरूखी वाला मुखौटा ओढ़ जाऊँ।।
रहगुज़र हूँ तेरा,
कि तूने जो भी दिया
झोली भर के दिया।
रहगुज़र हूँ तेरा,
कि दिये हुए हौसले से तेरे
अपने दम पर कुछ किया।
रहगुज़र हूँ तेरा,
कि कई ख्वाबों को अपने
मैंने हकी़कत में जिया।
रहगुज़र हूँ तेरा,
कि जरा से वक्त में ही
तेरे होने को समझ लिया।
ईबादतग़ार हूँ तेरा
कि अलग बनाकर भी तूने
खास बना दिया।। — रूह
This poem is the best gift i have ever received from someone. someone whom i have grown to adore and respect not only for the fitful exuberance but also for the Indefatigable deftness in distilling soulful and picturesque emotion by the infallible sagacity in choice of words that eloquently succour the baroque and beguiling poems.
Thanks M ,
By the way this only of the poems from M rest assured 100’s more to come…..
In reality, there is no such thing as a good leader. Who is good and who is bad, mainly depends upon the context or the period in concern. One leader is good while the other one is bad, not because some leaders are monsters while others merciful. But because states don’t have interests, people do.
Everything in politics from war to foreign aid, to political dynasties to corruption, is all about survival and power, not about welfare or doing good for the society.
Always, remember bad behavior is almost always good politics.
After all, no king can be good, kind, or glorious if his royal subjects are poor.
Here are a few points that may help you make your own inference.
It’s 2 am. I have to get up at 5 to go to my mundane job yet here I am rumbling about it to strangers. What to do? It’s one of those nights where my thought train is off the rails and to slow them down, I have to enter them into this obelisk with black mirror. I think that last cup of coffee at 12 is to blame for this insomniacal banter.
What the heck was I thinking, “Coffee” before bed?
But perhaps it’s the early onset of summer that’s more to blame. I so loathe this godforsaken noise machine, my ass of a fan. I am seriously missing the warmth of my blankets and silence of cold nights when I didn’t have to switch on this buzz kill. Ironically as the winter will approach, I will once again find it difficult to sleep without the white noise from it.
Isn’t it funny how we complain about things? Then miss, missing them once we have them.
Interesting my thoughts and keystrokes are not syncing. As I type, my thoughts keep on bouncing off in another direction.
Here I am punching keys, lodging complaint against my fan while my thoughts crunch sleep span numbers. I guess, I better sleep now if I am to have at least 2.5 hours sleep instead of waking-up groggy for a job that I hate to being with. After all, I can always continue this blabber during my commute to the office.
5:45 AM and am back, half asleep and already frustrated about the job. But what can we do, after all, money trumps all?
Anyways, I love the city at this time of the day. It’s all so serene. Ruffled only by a soothing cold morning breeze. Car rides at this irksome hours always make me feel like a vagabond.
As the car glides through the glistening streets with yellow tints of sodium lights, the windshield is crisscrossed by streaks of light from the lamp posts, drenching the insides in a rain of light, drawing eerie figurines on the face. The rumble of engine echoes away into the shimmering aura of dawn as the petrichor of morning dew rushes in through the gaps of the window creating a symphony of smell, titillating the soul. The soft transcendental music on the stereo adds flare to the morning mist, melting the ire into the proverbial bliss.
As the car approaches city limits, occasional sights of passers-by measuring the lonely streets and fitness enthusiasts throbbing to the beats give away to the evangelist cycling brigades. And as the car whizzes past this brigade it illuminates their path with the headlights gleaming off of lane reflectors, instigating an impromptu reaction, Let there be light.
When the car hits the bridge over the river, the whistling of the wind hitting the car is suddenly replaced by a rumpling roar as if the wind is knocking on your window to greet you with an exhilarating picturesque view.
A half-moon reflects on the murky river water at the fringes of the cityscape while the orange glow of sodium vapors diffuses with the molten silvery glow bouncing off the fleets of boats floating on the ebbing waters. While you hold your breath to wonder in awe, glorious moonbeams shower the earth in rays that cast out to touch the rocky surface overshadowing a distant and ominous pale orange glow of the vanishing cityscape on the horizon.
Overwhelmed by this glimpse of heaven, when you turn your head to the other window. Construction docks and a giant candle grabs your attention. The distant and muffled clickity-clack of industrial hammers shaping metal into giant engineering marvels irritates your auditory canal while the angry and raging flames like that of the mount Mordor lights up the other end of the bridge.
As soon as the car gets off the bridge; a distinct smell of burning sulfur jostles you into the mortal world from the realm of fairy tales. Once again you start hearing the honking of trucks and trailers overtaking while blindingly bright beams of light irradiate your corneas.
Your car is engulfed by a smog of pollution, looming over the highway acting as a translucent curtain blurring the hard lines of buildings while dancing incandescent dust particles trace path to the sources of light making them dance. [brownian motion, Tyndall effect, corpuscular rays etc. it’s all coming back to me].
This limited visibility and the death wish of random fools trying to cross the dimly lit road against the blinding light from headlights of oncoming traffic always gives an adrenaline rush and awakening your hidden talent as that of a speed racer.
As the car rolled-on to the overpass, the sun began to announce its reign. The bright street signs and billboard rivaling sun at night once again, gave their best shot at outshining him. The bluish black pallet of the night begins to surrender to the violets and reds of the dawn filling the sky and splashing the clouds with endless rays of pink. This pure scattered light and accompanying hues ambitiously began illuminating each crevice of the land.
But as the car descended to the bottom of the overpass, the bright and mesmerizing view inviting to stare, deep into the horizon got obscured only to reappear at the next overpass.
From the top of this overpass, distant and towering industrial complex shines as if it was wearing golden crowns and the green fields preceding its fences radiate bright tints of sun-kissed greens. Brilliant gold and orange hues bleed like fire as the first slither of the sun peek above the skyline, gradually raising to a defined circle on a vibrant backdrop of the pristine waters glittering like liquid gold in the reservoirs below the cooling towers of the power plant.
As the car once again descended to the bottom, the faint chirping of sparrows begin to intermingle with the chorus of industrial sirens when the chauffer squeaked, “Sir, we have arrived.”